http://www.seattlelair.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2135
Session 1: Time Management & Personal Productivity
We must eliminate a) distraction, b) interruption and c) friction from our lives. These categories include email, phone, text, etc. If we are concentrating on something and we’re interrupted, it takes our mind something like 20 minutes to return to the same level of concentration as we had before the interruption.
The Inner Butterfly Effect: The “butterfly effect” was described in the movie Jurassic Park. It is also referred to “chaos theory.” In our context, we are referring to the domino effect that one thought has in producing many subsequent thoughts (imagine the dominos aligned in a triangle, not a line). We need to avoid the trigger of the thought or stop it when it begins.
We can stop the “Outer Butterflies” by simply turning off our email alerts, phones etc.
The mind’s greatest talent is the ability to concentrate on one thing for long periods.
Try scheduling your interruptions. Have a time set aside for email and phone calls. Let your contacts know your schedule so they don’t get upset.
Things are either important or urgent but not both.
We are addicted to our struggle. Stop this behavior.
Multi-tasking:
This is very inefficient. One study showed multi-tasking lowers your immediate IQ more than smoking marijuana. Schedule multi-tasking as an interruption.
Increasing productivity:
We need to develop our “focus” muscle like any other muscle. We should work in blocks of 90-120 minutes or more.
Proper State:
1. Being in the “zone” is a physical energy
2. “Flow” is being intellectually engaged
3. “Enjoyment” is the underlying emotional tonality
All three are necessary to be in the most productive state.
We want to have “Clean Focus;” the ability to focus on one thing with clarity. We must have “clean cuts” to have clean focus. “Clean Cuts” means stopping one activity before starting the next. We don’t want to have open loops and unfinished business – they rob you of energy. Unresolved conflict also affects “clean focus.” It’s like having too many windows open on your computer; everything slows down. Switch channels from mental to physical or to emotional tasks. Don’t go from one mental activity to another. Again, maintain “clean cuts.”
Humans are creatures of habit: 99% of thoughts, emotions, actions are the same everyday!
We can create “Productivity Routines” regularly. Do this consciously. Humans can only handle one new ritual/habit every 30 days. We have three parts of the brain; the physical, emotional and logical (the Triune brain). So we can learn a new sport and a language at the same time because they use different parts of the brain. An emotional activity might be something like spending more time with a loved one.
Why only one? Change of routine is what causes the most stress in our lives. Consider the most stressful experiences: death of a loved one, divorce, moving, holidays, etc. They all involve a change in routine.
It takes 30 days for a new habit to become part of our normal routine. Habits have gravity (gravitational pull). We need to develop “escape velocity” to overcome the gravity of our old habits. The first 10 days we experience “defiance.” The next 10 days we experience “resistance.” Then the final 10 days we experience “acclimation.” Now the new habit has gravity.
“Will Power” is the rarest and most precious form of energy. We have the most of this energy in the morning; before the day has robbed us of it. So the morning is the best time to start new habits.
The Ultradian Rhythm: Different from Circadian rhythm, Ultradian rhythm is another natural cycle of the body. For example, when we wake, we are focused for 90-120 minutes before we become distracted/sleepy for 20 minutes. This cycle continues throughout the day. Take advantage of it. David will focus on a task for two hours (two 60 minutes). Each 60 is broken down into 50 minutes focus, 10 minutes break. After the two 60 minute cycles, he takes 30 minutes break. Again, we want a clean cut before the break. You can also nap during the break.
Imagine if you focused on one task for 60 minutes per day; perhaps the most important task or the task that would ultimately lead to the most financial success. Where would you be in 10 years?
Renewal:
You need to actively renew yourself physically, emotionally and logically. If you don’t, your body will fall into a state of disrepair. Take 1-2 days off every week. Take 1 week off every 90 days. The spirit must be renewed.
Session 2: Ultimate Physical Health & Wellness
I won’t get into this much here but it was very interesting (unless someone wants to hear more). Basically, David is a vegetarian now and a health and nutrition freak. He makes his own food and brings it with him when he travels. He is much slimmer than he was in his previous DVD’s. As tiring as it was to sit and take notes for 12-13 hours per day, David was on stage or running around organizing the event. He said he could go a lot longer and I certainly believe him. The guy has endless reserves of energy. Although I did see him lose his cool a few times when it was getting late and he got frustrated with students asking stupid questions. So he’s still human.
Session 3: David’s Best Business Ideas
It’s very important to know your “why.” Without Power, no one will want to follow you or listen to you. With Success, you will attract the people you want to attract.
Review, affirm and visualize the specific outcome you want daily.
Watch the original “The Secret.” Read the original (unrevised) “Think and Grow Rich.”
Rewrite the goal daily. Program your mind for what you want. Your thoughts become reality.
What is Value? Think about it. It isn’t money. We’ve been trained to believe this but money is the lowest intrinsic value form that value can take. What has intrinsic value? How do you figure it out?
Value is a nominalization; a freezing of a process. How do others value my service? It’s different for different markets. There is utility value, sentimental value and emotional value. When you figure out value, reverse engineer it.
Money is made where value is created! Focusing on how to get more money is backwards thinking. Figuring out how to give value is the game.
Infinite Justice System – We want fairness and justice. We want win-win solutions that are 50/50.
There was a study where $100 was offered to person A. Person A had to split the money with person B but person A determined the split. Person B’s power was only to decide if person A got the money at all. If person A split the $100 50/50, person B always agreed to give the money. But at 70/30, person B started saying “no” to the money so that neither received anything; even though it was still free money.
This is the key reason people don’t succeed!
Most of us have pondered the idea; “How do I get one million people to each give me $1.” This is the wrong question. The question should be; “How do I give $100 worth of value to one million people? Then ask if it’s worth $1 to them.”
Perfect the art of creating and giving massive value without concern for what you get back. Keep learning and creating value. “If I help enough people get what they want, I’ll get what I want.” Zig Ziglar
Creating and Giving is the mindset, not Getting. Your whole focus is on giving value. Being unfocused on where the value is created is the biggest mistake business people make. They focus on what THEY find valuable instead of what people find valuable. Get out of your head and get into theirs.
Target Audience/Prospects:
1. Pain and Urgency or Irrational Passion
2. Proactively seeking solutions – Search engine marketing
3. Few or no perceived options
Think about the above with respect to Double Your Dating. Did DYD fulfill those requirements? DYD went from zero to $20 million in five years!
When selling a product or service, sell the Benefits, not the Features or Advantages. The best salesmen understand this principle. They a) qualify the buyer better and b) build trust faster. What happens when you try to sell a feature? The #1 response is an objection. Instead, match a benefit to a need. You need to ask the prospect.
Learn Sales. Spend a year selling something person to person.
Learn Marketing. Spend a year in marketing.
Trust can be transferred to your company. This is “Endorsed Marketing.” You can take advantage of existing customer bases. You need to offer value to the endorsee. David did this by working for free with a number of mentors. David also worked for Tony Robbins for three years as a sound engineer. He only made $400 per month but he took the job to learn.
Converting people to customers:
They need proof. Give proof that there’s value. Give away your best stuff. David gave away his best material in his email newsletters.
All the self-made millionaires understand sales and marketing. Creators who use others to sell and market are not millionaires.
If you want to know your socio-economic status, just look at the five closest people to you. You are their average. If you want to be successful, surround yourself with superstars from now on. Make yourself strong first. Then you can help others later.
Mistakes when Hiring:
Hiring people you like. Hiring people like you. Instead, find people with more potential than you and help them succeed. One of David’s former employees is 24 and has a bigger company than DYD now.
Hire people you want to be like. A “Driver” is proactive. He will complete projects. He values results, not effort. Superstars do it for impact, not for the money.
A great manager integrates the team. He aligns their skills and talents. He supports them. He only hires superstars. Managers who delegate are ineffective.
Systems:
Have a Visual Dashboard. Use Excel to keep track of sales, gross revenue, deposits, marketing, etc. Look at it everyday.
Well that’s about it. As someone who has studied business extensively, I can attest to these principles. David ran out of time so he had to rush and abridge this information. His business seminars are much more expensive than his PU seminars so I really appreciated that he threw in the bonus sessions. One of his several business seminars is $10k! Or was it the DVD set? I can’t remember. I hope I didn’t break any disclosure agreement I signed by presenting this information.
Although $10k sounds like a lot, in my personal industry, it’s not unusual to pay over $20k - $30k for consulting. I’ve spent over $40k over the last decade. It’s the price you have to pay to be competitive. Hell I spend more than $10k a year on continuing education. And I have no regrets because I think in terms of cost/benefit. I’d like to form a mastermind group if anyone’s interested. I realize this is totally unrelated to PU. I’d like to meet people who are really motivated and committed to becoming financially successful. Quite frankly, most of the PU “gurus” and successful PUA’s I’ve met are empty shells of people. They are a one trick pony. They are not living life to its fullest. I have made a very conscious effort to select only wings who are educated and accomplished because I want to surround myself with greatness. I want to remain friends after we gradually fall off the grid due to marriage or whatever. There are so few “real” men in the world, when I find one, I want to hang on. If you are frightened of my occasional tirades, what can I say? I have little patience for guys who have fallen asleep at the wheel. The point of Man Transformation is that we are all asleep and we need to wake up. Zen Buddhism.
Session 2: Ultimate Physical Health & Wellness
Nothing gives you as high a return as investing in your health.
The healthier you are, the more you get done, the more you enjoy life.
Our natural state is health and wellness.
Consciously create rituals.
Pursuing the pinnacle of health may be the most interesting and fulfilling thing in life.
“If I was to think for myself; do my own research; how far could I go? What could I learn? What could I accomplish?
I. Your body knows what to do to heal itself.
II. You cannot consciously heal your body.
You bring the raw materials for maintenance and repair, to your cells.
Stress:
i. Structural – physical pressure. Unconsciously we tighten body parts. This uses some mental RAM.
ii. Distress – Emotional stress
iii. Eustress – Positive stress
Structural + Distress = Problems
Ex: Stress = Weight (literally, as in obesity). Substance abuse, illness, etc.
“Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers”
- Zebras are prey for lions and crocodiles. They experience moments of shear terror. But overall, they have very little stress. They aren’t subject to “sustained stress” like humans.
1. Get stress under control
2. Get rid of negative influences.
Look at your 5 closest friends – you are their average.
TV is a negative influence (educational shows are okay).
3. “Worry” is a problem.
Tackle it relentlessly.
It will tear you down.
If it’s outside my “circle” of influence, there’s nothing I can do. Let it go.
4. Get enough sleep.
Keep it quiet and dark. The reptilian brain needs a nest.
Eustress – Positive Stress
Athletics, sports, etc.
Stress the muscles; tears down the fibers at a cellular level. Muscles rebuild while you sleep. Muscle grows when sleeping.
Periodization is an organized approach to training that involves progressive cycling of various aspects of a training program during a specific period of time.
The GAS (General Adaptation Syndrome), describes three basic stages of response to stress: (a) the Alarm stage, involving the initial shock of the stimulus on the system, (b) the Resistance stage, involving the adaptation to the stimulus by the system, and (c) the Exhaustion stage, in that repairs are inadequate, and a decrease in system function results. The foundation of periodic training is keeping ones body in the resistance stage without ever going into the exhaustion stage. By adhering to cyclic training the body is given adequate time to recover from significant stress before additional training is undertaken.
Selye (1957) labeled beneficial stresses as "eustress" and detrimental stresses as "distress". In athletics, when physical stress is at a healthy level (eustress), an athlete experiences muscular strength and growth, while excessive physical stress (distress) can lead to tissue damage, disease, and death. Periodization is most widely used in resistance program design to avoid over-training and to systematically alternate high loads of training with decreased loading phases to improve components of muscular fitness (e.g. strength, strength-speed, and strength-endurance).
Source – Wikipedia
Full Cycles – No Gray Zone. We don’t fully exert or relax
1. Water – wait 30-60 min; eat food; wait couple of hours; drink water; then food
2. Sleep and Wake – fully asleep; fully awake
3. Flex and Relax your muscles consciously.
4. Exertion and Renewal
Our body is 60% water.
Water is the delivery service and the garbage collector for our cells. Drink pure water.
Drink ½ liter of water first thing in the morning. Eat every 2 ½ hours.
Food
Most food is crap. Why do we eat?
1. Entertainment
2. Comfort
3. Health
3 Time Frames of Food
1. Now – How enjoyable is the food?
2. The next few hours – Energy period; energy derived from the food.
3. 3-4 hours to the rest of your life – Long-term health and wellness
Most people make eating decisions based on #1 (above). This is backwards. #2 & #3 should be the priority.
White flour, sugar and rice will give you an insulin spike. Avoid processed food.
Low glycemic index is nature’s time release.
Balance fat, carbs and proteins. As much as possible, stick with raw, whole and organic.
Take a digestive enzyme with your food. Chew your food.
Exercise
The body is made to move. The body balances itself when it’s moving.
Exercise = body use; using something consciously
Key Systems
1. Digestive
Chew 20-30 times before swallowing. Take a digestive enzyme. Don’t drink anything for a couple of hours. There is a unique chemical bath for each food. Drinking liquids or eating different kinds of food alters this chemical bath so you don’t digest/absorb the nutrients as well.
2. Immune
The lymphatic system runs the same paths as your blood vessels and nervous system. The heart doesn’t move lymph; you have to move to move lymph. If you experience negative emotions for 20 minutes, you knock out your immune system for 24 hours.
3. Cardiovascular
Exercise
4. Respiratory
Breathe deeply. Practice breathing exercises. David emphasized the importance of deep breathing all week.
5. Musculoskeletal
Good positive; vitamins and minerals
Writing for 15-20 minutes per day is very good for your nervous system. I don’t think he means on a keyboard but rather with pen and paper.
Conscious Relaxation
David practices yoga.
Maximum Leverage
- First 90-120 minutes of the day; drink ½ liter of water
- The next 20-30 minutes; stretch and exercise
- Spend a few minutes on meditation
- Spend a few minutes reading
Do these things every morning. This is David’s Personal Success Ritual. It sets the context for the whole day.
Action Steps
1. Remove the sources of negative stress; the 2 bad types
2. Have a Perfect sleeping environment. You need High Quality sleep.
3. Plan your meals. You need balanced, tuned energy and think of the long-term effects of what you’re eating.
4. Create a Personal Success Ritual.
Avoid trans fat and diet soda (artificial sweetener?)
*****************************
Day 1
Your mind has you by the balls. And your balls have you by the mind.
Our drive to be unique individuals – cultural conditioning or in the genes?
Triune Brain
1) Reptile brain, 2) Mammalian brain, 3) Thinking brain.
Reptilian brain – when seeking pussy, you are out of control
Mammalian – seeks acceptance
Thinking – the logical part
In general, are we in control or out of control?
What’s one thing you should do everyday but don’t? Let’s say something requiring 30 min or less?
What if you did that thing everyday for one year? Where would you be?
Most of the time, we are NOT in control.
Our Power comes from our penis. Your balls have you by the mind. Rein it back. Take back the power. Stop giving it away.
- Women will test you less.
- Better women will come along
- She didn’t want that power in the first place. If you give it to her, she will resent you.
“Mind myself in the program.” Engage yourself. Suspend beliefs while here. If you don’t, you will be further from your goal then when you started.
Learning = Behavior Change
Stop intellectualizing and ACT!
Belief is a trap. Don’t believe anything too much.
Key Points of the Program
1. We are “asleep” and we don’t know it. We are in a shared dream.
2. We live in a simulation of reality. We’ve lost touch with our experience.
3. We have a myth or story which shapes our perspectives.
4. Waking up; awareness; consciousness is the key.
5. In order to change, get outside of your comfort zone.
6. We need a home base of safety and security to get outside of your comfort zone.
7. We must face that which makes us uncomfortable directly.
8. Understand that keeping a total 10, requires honesty and authenticity that we do not yet have.
9. Things that attract a 10 are not what you think. It is outside of your awareness.
10. In order to attract a 10, we must go through a transformation
Tips:
- Men who want to just get laid are empty people. They attract energy vampires.
- Men who enjoy women, attract higher quality women.
- If you increase the level of the challenge daily, you will increase your skill.
- Getting laid is a phase some of us go through. Those who accomplish this realize that it doesn’t solve our problems. We are just masking our insecurities.
What are my biggest frustrations?
Notice that they are all external. Take responsibility.
Where are you so comfortable, you can’t change it?
Where would you like to be but you can’t motivate yourself to get there?
Where are you blocked; avoiding; or can’t get passed?
Why do you want to transform?
What do you want to change?
“I’m going to do this no matter what it takes, regardless of how much time it takes.”
This is the “why.” We must reach this point.
Being Lived
Our lungs, heart, etc work on their own.
Close your eyes. Imagine the universe pushing air in and out of your lungs.
Einstein: Imagine walking but instead of you moving, the earth is moving beneath you like a treadmill.
Breath in for 4 count, exhale for 8 count.
What are three areas where you are being “lived?” Where you lack control?
What’s required for change?
“Change or Die” – by Alan Deutschman. Most of us can’t change even when we want to.
Making Success Inevitable
1. Goal Setting: Visualize the outcome. Burn it into your mind.
2. Problem Solving: 80% of people would rather problem solve than goal set.
3. Inevitability Thinking: Setting up conditions so it happens automatically.
Milton Erickson eg Walking 5 miles to get a drink. Then walking 5 miles back. You will probably quit drinking if you create an obstacle to it.
- Getting leverage by doing something more painful
- Reward and Punishment
- “I could if I wanted” thinking prevents leverage.
- Get a mentor for inevitability thinking.
- Get a mastermind
- External Accountability – have someone else hold you accountable
What do you want to make inevitable?
“The Power of Full Engagement” – The power of focus. Tony Schwartz
Higher priority – do it earlier in the day.
“Throw your hat over the fence.” To make you do something.
The 2 Laws if you want to change a habit:
1. Start now
2. Don’t deviate
The Paradox of personal evolution
Doing things that aren’t you to evolve and letting go of who you think you are means that parts of you must DIE.
Clinging on to your self image; being not able to let it go: be okay letting go of the old you. Self image is self created.
- Others don’t like it when I’m out of my comfort zone. It puts them out of their comfort zone.
- When I change, the things they do to manipulate me stop working. They don’t like that.
Continually get outside of your comfort zone in all three realms:
1. Physically
2. Emotionally
3. Logically
New behaviors are important
- Neurogenesis: New neurons and connections are formed. Your mind will autopilot down that path.
- Keeps you feeling young. You can do this for the rest of your life.
When you do things that are out of your comfort zone on a regular basis, people will begin to think that you are crazy. This is good. Then you are freer to keep doing new things.
Behavior Change
Harnessing “Will Power”
The most precious and rarest form of energy we get is Will Power.
We get very little Will Power and burn it on things that don’t help.
Suppressing emotions burns Will Power. You can’t focus on important things. Negative energy burns WAY more energy than positive energy.
Will Power should be used to create routines, habits.
Do it first when the day hasn’t sucked up your energy.
“Awareness” is the most valuable state.
Avareness is very rare. It is seeing yourself. We tend to deflect awareness. We don’t tell others and they don’t tell us. Stop avoiding awareness. Be grateful of it.
Need to know the outcome of behavior change. Must be very specific and measurable.
We need a “why” or a reason for a change.
The mind is the Google for goals.
Reticular Activation System
- When you buy a car; you suddenly see every car that’s the same.
Future pacing and anchoring
- Prepares you to take action in the future. Ex: put water in your morning path to insure that you drink water in the morning.
Winners manufacture optimism – Dennis Waitley
Find what triggers Optimism for you. It could be a song.
Every recall is a reframe. You change memories evertime you recall them depending on your state (positive or negative).
Come up with one behavior change.
What is the outcome of that change?
Why do you want that change?
What will be my future pacing trigger?
Two pictures – the cure that triggers the new behavior. This can be an object you see regularly; that object can be a reminder to trigger the new behavior.
Plan your routine specifically.
Take time to create safety and security. You can’t fake it. That “10” knows if you feel safe and secure.
Triune Brain
- Physically – create a bed that feels safe and secure. The reptile brain needs a nest. No phone, no TV. Unplug from everything.
- Emotionally – I want to take my life to the next level. Need a friend to trust you. I will make mistakes. I need emotional safety.
- Logical – make ethical decisions. I’m not going to sneak around. Don’t be an “Ass Bandit” (stealing other guy’s women).
“Make myself strong first.” To be able to help others.
“I forgive myself for __________.”
Lying
We delete, distort, generalize reality to survive.
Conscious distortion of actual perspective = lying.
Intensionally misleading someone else through omission or commission.
Omission ex: “I didn’t actually lie.” This may be the worst sort of lie.
Pretending to know anything for sure = lying.
Staying attached to one perspective one judgement = lying
All perspectives are partial perspectives. No perspective is complete.
Being attached to a perspective is like lying.
Facing things – staring them in the eye.
Some avoidance tactics:
Emotional people can be addressed directly: Ex: “Hey, you’re acting weird.”
Talk to the elephant in the room.
What’s something I’m not facing?
Deep approval seeking can be an issue.
Understanding different perspective exercise.
When you listen, does the other person FEEL understood?
The issue doesn’t matter. It’s important to feel understood.
Time Freezing – nominalization; making things static
Time Binding – take a complex relationship and freeze it into one image.
These past images define us.
Relationships are always changing, moment to moment.
TRUTH
- Reporting ongoing experience as it’s happening without expectation that it’s going to stay that way.
- Truth changes over time
Where have I nominalized something? (Reduced it)?
Where did I make it a truth; a theory; a belief?
Experience vs Judgement
Feel tension. Identify it as “fear.” This stops the process.
Try riding it out like a wave. Don’t give the sensation a word. Come out the other side. Let the energy flow and transform.
Give the energy colors, temperature, shape, movement. That experience, tension, pressure is ok. Don’t use judgemental words.
Judgments = Freezing. They prevent me from feeling the experience.
Emergence – Run a system and properties will emerge.
Women let this process run it’s course. They don’t try to stop it. Women like to experience the full range of emotions. Men tend to shut down or act out when they feel something they feel is undesirable. Stop it. Ride the emotion like a wave. Don't give it a positive or negative association.
Seek first to understand, then be understood.
Day 2
US is the richest country in the world.
But #29 in lifespan. We are becoming lazy, obese, etc.
We are staying free and single longer.
Men are staying immature their whole life.
How do I get past immaturity?
Leave your comfort zone!
What is maturity and immaturity?
Dependence = Immaturity
Dependence on our story, rationalizing, group, comfort zone, beliefs, emotions, etc.
Identify our “blocks” or obstacles in our path. Remove them. We are programmed for instant results.
90% of teenage girls like shopping the most. Instant Gratification is a problem.
How do I remove my “blocks?”
Frustration is the answer. We remove them ourselves.
A therapist may provoke and frustrate someone to overcome their own block.
On our own, we may go into “avoidance.”
Finding Blocks:
Where and when do I feel my buttons are being pushed?
What do I feel when my buttons are pushed?
What is the earliest memory of this emotion?
This is the roadmap to remove “blocks.”
Need to understand Emotions. The Triune brain.
Some act out. Some freeze when buttons are pushed.
There aren’t enough words to describe emotions. Connecting words to emotions is difficult.
Emotional people (women especially), get frustrated with men who are all logic. Being in your head shows inability to empathize. Intellectual men try to control emotions. It’s obvious that he’s stuck in his head. It’s not about empathy or understanding or who’s right or wrong.
1. Think about relationships with evolved women; the 9’s and 10’s.
2. What challenges came up? What blocks?
3. Identify the emotions you felt.
4. What memory? When was the first incident when you felt that emotion?
5. Can you describe the emotion? Eg: frustration, helplessness, anger etc. What did that little boy feel?
6. How did he develop strategies to deal with that emotion? How did he protect himself?
Imprinting
Animals imprint. Babies imprint objects to be their mothers. Ex: the baby giraffe and the jeep. The baby goose and the ping pong ball.
Both tried to mate with the objects when they matured.
Our early experiences imprint us.
Imago (book) – Imprints of “good” spouse – we got from our mother.
Intimacy = Deep Connection
What’s blocking me from having intimacy?
*Women see my blocks as another opportunity to grow the relationship. She wants me to acknowledge the block and work through it, not ignore it.
What are the most intense emotional experiences with your mother? Father?
Our earliest “imprint” of a female is our mother.
Can you see a connection?
Timeline Exercise
Imagine floating back on your timeline and replace negative memories with positive images.
Think of 3 characteristics of a perfect 10; make a 3D image. You can place this image anywhere you want. Can you see these characteristics in future women you see? Change your timeline.
Breath has a profound effect on your Mind, Body and Emotions.
Breath may be more important than diet and exercise for good health.
Breathing Exercise:
Take 10 Full, deep breaths; using your stomach.
On the 10th exhale, stop halfway.
Wait 30 seconds to feel the wave of relaxation.
Then take 3 relaxing breaths.
You will experience something profound. This is a great tool for negative emotions.
Seek to understand. Find agreement.
Seeking commonality; being understood and understanding.
My Game
I’ve got this game that I play. Examples:
I don’t want to need anything from anyone.
I’m afraid of what other’s think of me.
I want people to like me.
I want people to think I’m competent or high status.
Here’s what I do.
Here’s how it manifests itself.
Imagine the emotion; close your eyes; imagine the color, the size, the shape. Let it run it’s course. Let it fizzle out.
What is My Game to avoid some emotion?
What is My Game to avoid something else?
Examples: I try not to show interest because I’m afraid of rejection.
I freeze if I don’t have a context for a conversation.
Embarrassment doesn’t kill. It’s often a very positive emotion. Try to get an emotional reaction. You can play off of embarrassment.
When something you don’t like comes up:
a) You try to change, then accept – why most people fail
b) You can accept, then try to change. This is the key.
• In order to change something, you must first Accept it.
Think about rapport: If you accept someone first; their beliefs etc., with no prejudices and no agenda.
“I want to invite and accept you the way you are; then find a common path.”
You must accept yourself first if you want to change.
The Johari Window
1. unconscious and incompetent
2. conscious and incompetent
3. conscious and competent
4. unconscious and competent
Imagine a TREASURE CHEST: My Treasure Chest
When the chest is closed: unconscious and incompetent
When the chest is opened: Conscious and incompetent
Now reach in, take your treasure: conscious and competent
Now close the chest: unconscious and competent
Mastery or Flow is being all levels at once; being able to switch between levels; being able to teach it.
The LOCK on my treasure chest: The things we think we know. This level is before unconscious and incompetent. The lock prevents us from learning.
“Yeah I know that.” Or “I know something about that.”
When you think you know something, that is your own lock to your treasure. It prevents you from learning.
Personal Myth
What is a Myth?
1. False story – general definition. Not a good definition
2. Collective Human Story – Joseph Campbell
This is our story we overlay onto everything else. There’s the facts then there’s the story I tell myself. Sometimes, I can’t even see the facts. Then we believe; “that’s just the way it is.”
What is my disadvantage?
How am I compensating for my disadvantage?
These are my MYTHS.
Humans evolved over 50K years.
Maturity
Independence from these games I play.
Relationship
Relate = feeling of us. A shared perspective.
The “us” versus “them” mechanism is not logical or rational.
David’s Paradigm: You and I are alike.
Relating is the portal through which we can connect.
“I get it.” Or “I get you.” = the LOCK on my treasure chest.
If you continue relating, it will trigger “relation.” Continue relation and you get “relationship.”
Evolution
We can relate to anything if we try. Animals have a language. We can relate to animals.
In order to have good relations with others and that 10, we must first relate to ourself.
There’s at least two “I’s” in ourself; one wants to stay the same; one wants to change. Example: our ego that protects us from embarrassment, rejection, fear etc. is one "I." Another "I" is the part of us that wants to improve. There are more parts to our personalities and this is just a simplified model.
Lining up the conscious and unconscious.
The different parts of self must be in rapport.
Some parts may create friction.
Different parts have different agendas.
Look for where they already relate. They both (or more parts), want what’s in your best long-term interest. The different parts don’t meet; when one comes out, the other(s) leave.
Merge them. How can they help as a team?
“I can follow my path while taking some precautions. One makes sure that I’m safe, one makes sure that I approach my potential.”
1. Do more parts integration exercises. Do this forever.
2. Use these tools to relate to others as quickly as possible
Women are other beings. We are all related. We are all made up of different parts.
Day 3
Dream Analysis – Pretend you had to explain the objects in your dream to an alien. Each object has a specific meaning to each individual.
Attraction and Gravity
Attraction = Energy Wave. You can turn it up, turn it down. Over time, this will not burn her out. It is sustainable. But attraction alone is not enough to keep that 10 around.
Gravity – Long-term process. Keeps the woman around. This works from any distance. You can be apart and not have to worry about her.
What force has influenced us and our evolution the most? Gravity. Yet we don’t even think about it. Notice Gravity.
Ex: David “drops” a pen. Actually, David “let go” of the pen; he didn’t drop it.
Thoughts of Mating also affect us but we don’t think about it.
Ex: Look down. Rotate your face to the side. Feel the pull on your face, your cheek.
Hold your arm out to the side. Have your palm face down. Now rotate your palm up. Feel the pull on your palm and on the back of your hand.
Feel Gravity.
It is our anchor.
The 5 P’s of Gravity:
1. Poise – Physical poise. Never lose your composure. Maintain your poise at all times. She can read in your body language and voice tone that you lost your poise.
Poise = Demonstrating through your body that you have natural physical health + self-esteem + status + an element of awareness
If you don’t maintain poise, it switches off your gravity.
Take control of your body. This is body language.
If you are out of rapport with yourself, she can see it.
2. Passion – Emotional
Passion for life, interests, relationship.
Passion is not as relevant in the US as it is in other countries.
That “10” wants a passionate guy.
Master your craft.
Bill Gates was the best for decades. Now he runs a foundation to give back.
Emotion + Mastery of a Craft; Forever
- Individual: list examples
- Work: list examples
- Socially: list examples
What will it take to master the above?
Action Step – The first thing I need to do.
How do I keep reminding myself along the way?
“Live with Passion.” Tony Robbins
3. Presence – Logical with some emotional and physical components
You can’t communicate on this channel if she turns it off. She turns it off if you don’t have “presence.”
Wake up. Get out of your mind. Be in the present.
Look people in the eye when speaking.
Proactively clean the bullshit out of your head.
Must be in rapport with yourself
Must relate to her and vice-versa
Presence + Relating = Intimacy
Honesty is part of Presence
Ride the emotional wave with her and let the wave wash over you.
Once a month, a woman may have wide emotional swings. Ride that wave too.
Most men freeze; escape into their head.
How do you think that 10 reacts? She may get upset at something little.
When you listen, you don’t analyze, project, etc.
Practice direct eye contact and follow them. Be Present. She will notice instantly.
4. Purpose – Spiritual level.
Woman is like an ocean; man is like a ship. Men must stay the course. Can’t control the ocean.
What must I do before dying?
Where does my talent cross contributing to the world?
Find something bigger than yourself and contribute to the world
5. Persistence – Combine everything.
Be persistant. Keep self-motivated.
You cannot get a successful relationship using techniques.
You must have the fundamentals; then the techniques will help. The fundamentals are the other four “P’s” of Gravity
• The game changer
Gravity: Poise, Passion, Presence, Purpose and Persistance
Action Step: Be Present
Will Power
Removing obstacles, blocks
NLP
Utilization – Welcome everything that happens. Use them as the tool box to accomplish your goal. Accept things as they come. Utilize problems in your life for greater growth and success.
Day 4
Dr. Gabe – guest from audience
We can’t hear our block. People try to tell us. People care too much about what others think.
“What’s something you know about me that I don’t know?”
We learn who another person is by catching them doing something.
Our eyes don’t see; our ears don’t hear. They send signals to our brain which decodes the information. We create what we see and hear. We create our reality.
“What is it that I’m not seeing about myself?”
Instant Gratification is damaging. We are sadder; disconnected; overweight, etc.
Last year, we Americans spent more than we made.
Back to Greg and Chris:
We get distracted with content.
This technique is used in hypnosis. Talk to the unconscious while the conscious is distracted.
Don’t get distracted by content!
The content doesn’t matter. That’s why women get upset when you try to “fix” their problem.
Us vs them is a difficult mechanism to deal with. It’s at the core of much of the worlds’ conflicts.
“Every belief requires some level of faith.” - Chris
Wisdom comes from multiple perspectives and a lot of experience. Don’t be too attached to an idea.
The Purpose of the Seminar
Integration of conscious and unconscious mind
Get to know and love yourself
All we have is the now; be present
Drop the Bullshit
Everything is already in us; we have to strip away the blocks
*We are all asleep and we need to wake up
Most are asleep all the time. I am asleep most of the time.
A 10 will not fix my problems. Only waking up will.
Imagine you worked hard for a month. At the end you slept and woke up naturally. Dream state to waking state takes approximately 20 minutes. This version takes 20 years.
You have had moments of awakening from the dream this week. You had moments of clarity. Make sure to cultivate this ability. Be sure to help others see clearly too.
Rejection from another human pokes the same part of the brain as physical pain. Fear of public speaking amplifies it. People want attention.
Day 5
On ramps/Off ramps
- Take a moment to check back in before switching from one thing to another.
- Notice your body
I thought I came to learn how to be a man. I had no idea that I would be so enlightened because I thought I was already a man.
Status: Social Status
All attraction situations – men who have at least equal or higher social status. On some level; sometimes not so obvious.
Women can sense status before you open your mouth.
Prime Directive
Never communicate lower status.
Equal to all power – Rion Williams
The more dominant a man is in a relationship, the more sex there is. – David Buss
Chimps and Bonobos – Females want more mating with the alpha male
“Social Intelligence” – Daniel Goldman
Our brains are wired to synchronize with others.
In social settings, some individuals will naturally rise to the top.
Grooming determines this higher status in chimps; not fighting.
What’s the equivalent of “grooming” in humans?
Monkey Ex:
Natural group has 40 members. If bred in captivity to 1000 members, their behavior changes. They are more on edge, anxious. They don’t make eye contact. They look at the ground and eat quickly. They only cling to family group. Some gang up and beat up others. Can’t develop natural social status.
Geoffrey Miller studied humans.
In a natural environment, 1/3 of the time is spent socializing in tribe.
In modern times, humans suffer from Status Anxiety
- We can have high status in one situation and low status in another.
- Our minds are used to consistent status.
Females may show attraction to younger males with status potential rather than compete for alpha males.
High Status Males: Chimps and Humans
1. Masters of Conflict
Business, fighters, relationship men
Most men are Wussies; they avoid, deflect and run.
What type is first? What’s the most important to develop?
Inner Conflict!
Ex: Someone who’s too macho was probably the opposite at one time.
Great Leaders bring out the best in people. They unify people. It’s a game of political relationships. The whole game is fixed in some way.
Calmly reduce conflict. Don’t get into pissing matches.
Getting out of conflict means getting out of your comfort zone.
2. High Status males protect the group
Silverback gorillas are willing to die to protect their family.
That 10 asks herself, “will he kill to protect me?” “Will he protect our family?” This is subconscious of course.
Body Language is different between high and low status chimps and humans.
When an alpha chimp is defeated; they collapse. They scream and cry then sulk for weeks without eating. The females have to console them.
3. Positive vs Negative Politics
Negative: back stabbing; scheming; ganging up, etc.
Positive: help; support people; they help you; etc.
Know how to build relationships with high status people.
What if you speak to the manager of a restaurant? You introduce yourself. You give compliments. In front of a woman?
Insight
Be present
Remove blocks
Know my story, my myth
Wake up
Enjoy life
